Joke Thread

[entropy]

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"

"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.

"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

[dpatnod]

Brilliant!

[Malto Marko]

entropy, you have the best grinners. I am going to have work a little harder to bring a few more smiles. Seems it is really needed.

[Panoptes]

60M Americans are grinning like mo fos still.

[Coop]

Yep


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[LionsFanInJapan]

Thanks for keeping your political views out of the thread guys. I'm sure everyone appreciates it!

[dpatnod]

Oh.... so is this thread about a few good yucks and not being an ass?

[Marko69]

The "I had a truck like that" joke is superb! Heard it YEARS ago and it's still brilliant. Keep them coming, Entropy.

[Marko69]

Walking up the first fairway after Tee off:

Wife: Honey, if I die, would you remarry?
Husband: No, probably not.
Wife: Oh come on now, you probably would.
Husband: ok then, yes, I probably would.
Wife: And would you both sleep in our bed?
Husband: Definitely not, I'd buy a new bed.
Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: Of course not, she's left handed.

[entropy]

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

[entropy]

A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"

[Malto Marko]

[dpatnod]

OK no more office space memes.

[entropy]

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

[entropy]

Sam walks into his boss’s office and says “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.”
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way,” asks the boss, “Which three companies are after you?”
“The electric company, water company, and phone company!”