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Heard this only a little different. It was dinner and the first boy says give me some of those GD potatoes. Same punishment and mom asks the second boy what he wants. He says I'm not sure but you can bet your ass it isn't any of those GD potatoes.
Yep, same here, DanO...... punch line was, "Well cereal clearly pisses you off, so I'll just have some feckin toast."
But that was mid 90's!!! That joke boat sure sails slowly across that pond.
"I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”
Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra, Australia. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cant understand why you're so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it. "
"Well" said the big Croc, "What have you been eating?"
"Politicians, the same as you" replied the small Croc.
"Hmmm where do you catch them?"
"Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by Parliament House"
"Same here, hmmm how do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars, and wait for one to unlock the car door, then I jump out and shake the shit out of them, then eat em!"
"Ah,"says the big crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. You see, by the time you've finished shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase."
"I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”
Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well I'm off now, the man should be here soon."
Half an hour later and just by chance, a door to door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam" he said, " I've come to............ "
"Oh no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well that's good, did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped, please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked blushing, "Well where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun, you can really spread out there."
Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for me and Harry!.
"Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My that's a lot," said Mrs Smith.
"Madam in my line of work a man has to take his time, I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," Mrs Smith mumbled to herself.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God," Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well considering her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes I'm afraid so, I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right, people were crowding in, around four or five foot deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes " the photographer replied, "and for more than three hours too, the mother was constantly squealing and moaning, I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness came, I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward, "Do you actually mean they chewed on your, uh equipment?"
"It's true madam yes, well, if your ready I'll set up my tripod, and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod? "
"Oh yes madam, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in your hand for long."
With that Mrs Smith fainted.
"I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”
Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022
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