Joke Thread

[Tony G]

I liked this one

[Malto Marko]

GHOST SEX
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on
Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe
in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any
of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone
here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any
of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.


The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've
been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to
a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your
experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to
make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed,
tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said "Goats."

[jaadam4]

lol.. ouch

[jaadam4]

burn

[Marko69]

Lol, that was superb MM....., that'll get copied and pasted across Scotland now!

Irish Pat is on a flight. The air hostess approaches and asks him if he'd like a drink,
"Err yes thanks, that'll be great, I'll have a Guinness please to be sure."
She pours his drink and hands it to him.
She then asks the man sitting next to him.
Ahmed replies,"Drink? Are you serious? I'd rather be raped by a thousand virgins."
Irish Pat interrupts, "Holy Mary Mither of God, I didn't realise we had a choice, I'll have that too please to be sure"......., and hands his drink back.

[Iron Lion]

Husband: "Here you go honey, I've brought you some Advil."

Wife: "That's thoughtful of you, but I don't have a headache."

Husband: "Good, let's fuck."

[chemiclord]

Lol, that was superb MM....., that'll get copied and pasted across Scotland now!

The joke really wouldn't work in a Scottish setting because half the class would have raised their hand. :-D

[Marko69]

True......., if the joke were about sheep chemiclord........, but goats? No. They are way too fussy and don't stand still !!

[YT]

True......., if the joke were about sheep chemiclord........, but goats? No. They are way too fussy and don't stand still !!

3 Words....


Ro-Hyp-Nol

[Kansas]

My sister posted this on Facebook today, and I gave my response.

Lori ##### ######: BROTHER'S WEEK!!!If you have a brother who has made you laugh,punched you, stuck up for you,drove you crazy,annoyed you to no end,hugged you, watched you succeed,saw you fail,picked you back up,cheered you on,made you strong,and is someone you are very proud to have in your life, then re-post this Love you Troy!!

Troy #####: Drink acid, you witch!

[jaadam4]

DANG!! LOL!!

[jaadam4]

Husband: "Here you go honey, I've brought you some Advil."

Wife: "That's thoughtful of you, but I don't have a headache."

Husband: "Good, let's fuck."

hhahahahah.. nice!

[Marko69]

An octopus walks into a bar and says 'I can play ANY musical instrument you like'. Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton . Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says 'Whats wrong - can ye no play it?'. The octopus says 'Play it ? - I'm gonna fuck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!

[YT]

LOL

[DanO]

"Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes."
------------------------Listened to a "Scotsman" play the pipes today in tribute to USA MIA-POW's Very stirring.

GO LIONS "11" !