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  • A mathematician and an engineer decided they'd take part in an experiment. They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said "Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her." The engineer replied, "So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
    Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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    • This is just too funny.
      Attached Files
      "Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "

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      • Dad bodies are all the rage.
        19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

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        • A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party.
          The day of the party the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
          The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
          She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
          She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and messed around.
          Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
          She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
          Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
          He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”
          Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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          • Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
            A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
            Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

            Comment


            • A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
              Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me."
              He went back to gathering the snails.
              All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
              They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
              They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
              At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
              He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.
              He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said:
              "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
              Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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              • Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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                • Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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                  • A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night...

                    The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late"

                    The officer, " Oh really........ and Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

                    The Man, "That would be my wife"
                    "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

                    Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

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                    • Saw it coming but still worth it.
                      2015 AAL - Ezekiel "Double Digit Sacks" Ansah.

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                      • A State trooper set up a speed trap to catch speeders along a popular route. He clocks a car going 22 MPH in a 60 MPH zone. He decides that going too slow is as dangerous as going too fast so he decides to pull the car over.

                        Approaching the vehicle, he observes that the car has 5 elderly female occupants. 2 in the front seats and 3 in the back. As he arrives at the drivers door, the driver rolls down her window.

                        The Officer asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "Why, no, I don't, I wasn't speeding" replies the driver. The officer says "No, you weren't speeding, you were going too slow". The driver exclaims "I was not! I was doing the speed limit! I was going exactly 22 MPH! Just what the signs say!"

                        The Officer laughs and politely tells her that the signs she is referring to is for State Route 22, not the speed limit.

                        Noticing the passengers in the car had not said a peep and had a frightened look on their faces since he pulled them over he asks "Is everything OK?"

                        "Why yes, everything is fine. Why would you ask?" replies the driver.

                        "Well, Ma'am, no one has made a peep since I pulled you over and everyone looks a bit distressed."

                        "Don't worry about them." Replies the driver. "They will be OK in a few minutes. We just got off of 119."
                        I long for a Lions team that is consistently competitive.

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                        • Brilliant
                          Lions Fans.

                          Demanding Excellence since Pathetic Patricia Piddled the Pooch!

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                          • nice to see some new jokes...




                            Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.
                            Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”
                            Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.
                            Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
                            Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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                            • One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there." He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?" "No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
                              Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

                              Comment


                              • A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
                                Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

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