Joke Thread

[entropy]

A young businessman had just started his own firm.
He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Hoping to look like a hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working on a big, important business deal.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

[entropy]

A young executive is leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”
“Certainly,” the young executive says. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” says the CEO as his paper disappears inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

[Panoptes]

A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"

My wife is a practice manager for many doctors and this one cracked us both up.

Hah

I said crack

[DeanUK]

I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos, but it's so hard.

[dsred]

Ha!

[DeanUK]

My Mrs is strange, first she said I could have a tattoo, now she's moaning about all the bagpipers in the garden

[DeanUK]

One for CG

[Marko69]

LMAO! That's superb!

[entropy]

http://tune.pk/video/6127758/the-carol-burnett-show-dentist

still one of the best skits of all time..

[DanO]

^Yep!!

[DeanUK]

A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients( no big deal ) and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of all those years training, endless hours studying, numerous exams and loads of money. A genuinely nice guy and an excellent Vet !

[Panoptes]

[CGVT]

A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients( no big deal ) and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of all those years training, endless hours studying, numerous exams and loads of money. A genuinely nice guy and an excellent Vet !

Ha! Nice. Should have put it in the piss me off thread for maximum impact.:-D

[Marko69]

A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients( no big deal ) and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of all those years training, endless hours studying, numerous exams and loads of money. A genuinely nice guy and an excellent Vet !

My wife just laughed her ass off at this!

[edindetroit]

My wife just laughed her ass off at this! [emoji38]

Did you help her put it back on?