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  • Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
    Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
    Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'.."
    ***********

    Some asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
    I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
    ***********


    I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
    **************


    I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
    "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
    After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
    I said, "Yesterday."
    ***********


    I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."
    The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
    I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
    Apathetic No More.

    Comment


    • Quote:
      Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
      Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
      Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'.."

      Awesome!
      "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

      Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

      Comment


      • Those were pretty good

        Comment


        • Just finished watching BILL BURR in his new special called "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" on Netflix.

          Imo, it's his best special to date and the others were great.

          Check it out.
          19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

          Comment


          • I will certainly go and check that out tonight.

            I watched a three minute clip last night with Burr on that Conan show. I nearly wet my Y's laughing at one part. The guy is hilarious.
            "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

            Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

            Comment


            • My DVR caught that latest Conan visit and special promo. Then it caught him on The Rich Eisen Show yesterday where he was again promoting his new special that went straight to Netflix.
              19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

              Comment


              • I think the Conan clip I watched was from a few months back..... He was talking about how much time needs to pass before a disgraced celebrity can be allowed back on TV. He talks about the people who are "professionally outraged"..... That's what set me off....., funny as fk.
                "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

                Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

                Comment


                • Guy walks into a bar, at the end of the bar is a huge chimp suckin down a beer. Guy looks at the chimp and says to the bartender, whats with the monkey? Bartender reaches down pulls up a bat and smacks the chimp upside the head. Chimp jumps over the bar pulls down the bartenders pants and blows him, jumps back to his seat and continues to drink his beer. Bartender looks at the guy and asks wanna try it? Guy says yeah, just don't hit me with the frickin bat
                  If you keep shootin, you can turn any piece of meat into burger

                  Comment


                  • Ghey.
                    Apathetic No More.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Marko69 View Post
                      I will certainly go and check that out tonight.

                      I watched a three minute clip last night with Burr on that Conan show. I nearly wet my Y's laughing at one part. The guy is hilarious.
                      Well?
                      19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

                      Comment


                      • Still on the case, Panoptes......, didn't get a chance over the weekend and busy tonight with invoices, (these bstds better pay before Xmas) ....., but will be watching soon. I sent the info you gave about this to my son,....., I will text him later for his thoughts.
                        "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

                        Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

                        Comment


                        • Just managed to watch the Burr special, "Im sorry you feel that way"......, with you 100%, Panoptes......., definitely the best one to date. The entire religion section is just genius. And the part near the end talking about fking women up against a wall......, I nearly peed the Y's laughing at that.
                          "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

                          Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

                          Comment


                          • Glad you found it equally entertaining. Bill Burr just gets it.
                            19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

                            Comment


                            • Where is that, Gonz?
                              GO LIONS "23" !!

                              Comment


                              • Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
                                1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
                                2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
                                3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
                                4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
                                5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
                                Dining Out
                                1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
                                2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
                                ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
                                1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
                                2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
                                PERSONAL HYGIENE
                                1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys
                                2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
                                3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
                                DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
                                1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
                                2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.’
                                3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
                                4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘Ya’ll sure don’t sweat much for a fat gal.’
                                WEDDINGS
                                1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
                                2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
                                3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
                                4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
                                5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
                                DRIVING ETIQUETTE
                                1. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
                                2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
                                3. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
                                4. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
                                5. Do not lay (burn) rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
                                TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
                                1. All the DNA is the same.
                                2. There are no dental records,
                                "Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "

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