Joke Thread

[Sharkbait]

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

[Malto Marko]

Those are both good ones, Sharkey.

I got hosed. Never received e-mail to download tickets. Stubhub has already said they'd refund the money. No laughs for me. :-(

Aside from the timing out of the website that caused me to make three attempts at purchasing the tickets, just before I was ready to push the button, they asked how I wanted to download the tickets and warned that the download only worked with certain browsers (which I had no clue if I had the correct version of IE or not because I don't use it and Firerfox which I do use was not one of the acceptable choices).

I bailed and decided to go to the box office which I never did.

[DanO]

"I got hosed. Never received e-mail to download tickets. Stubhub has already said they'd refund the money. No laughs for me."
--------------------------Sorry to hear that, Tony.

[Malto Marko]

......anyone hear what's happening with Chris Houston?

[Tony G]

We have a problem

[Islair]

I think he is working on a 3 year deal....

[Tony G]

So did you hear about the german guy who shoved his brother over a cliff and said, "Look Ma! No Hans!"

[Sharkbait]

groan!

[Coop]

"handed" me a better deal!

[Sharkbait]

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a Packer Fan steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the Packer Fan says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me, so I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop the capsule in it, and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve when you show up and drink the whole thing!! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

[LionsFanInJapan]

haha!

[entropy]

Heh..

[Sharkbait]

There were two pastors who were friends. There names were Peter and Paul. They both lived close to there churches, So they both used bicycles to travel to church every Sunday. They would always pass each other on Sunday morning going to there church. On one Sunday morning though, Paul came across Peter walking instead of riding his bike.

Paul: "Hey Peter, where is your bike? And why the long face?"
Peter: "It was stolen, and I think it was someone in my church who took it."
Paul: "Wow,sorry to hear that. So what do you plan on doing about it?"
Peter: "I'm not really sure. I thought maybe you would have a idea."
Paul: "Well let's see......Hey I got a idea. This morning you could preach on the ten commandments, And when you get to the part about 'thou shalt not steal' you could lay into it really hard and maybe the one who took it will feel bad and return your bike.'
Peter: "You know what, I think that's worth a try. Thanks, well I gotta go, I'm late and I will try your idea this morning, See ya"

The two pastors went there separate ways. The next Sunday came. As Paul was riding his bike to church, he looked and saw Peter coming up the Road riding his bike. Paul quickly thought, 'it must of worked'
"
Paul: "Well, I see that my idea worked"
Peter: "Well not exactly"
Paul: "What do you mean, 'not exactly' , I mean you got your bike back. So how did that happen?"
Peter: "Well I did preach on the ten commandments, But when I got to the part about 'Thou Shall not commit Adultery'........... I remembered where I left my bicycle."

[Marko69]

^^^ fantastic.

[Islair]

That is great