Non-Football Related Stuff That Makes you Laugh Your Ass off

[Marko69]

BREAKING NEWS:
(copied from ITV Website)

Boy George was attacked by a very large lizard on ITV’s “Im a celebrity, get me out of here” show today.
Spokesman for ITV said tonight that they’ll be looking for a calmer Chameleon.

[dpatnod]

Oh FFS!

[wcfwtf]

Boy George yo the Chameleon “Do you really want to hurt me?”

[-Deborah-]

Ha!!!

[edindetroit]

Ocean of Booze.png

[CGVT]

Saw this in on Facebook today.

Would you buy a car from a guy who lives here? Ha!

Screenshot 2023-01-25 7.55.08 PM.png

[foxhopper]

Maybe

[dpatnod]

Maybe

What if dog was spelled C.A.T?

[edindetroit]

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[edindetroit]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 a.m. in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk

[Marko69]

Just watched Seinfeld episode “The Big Salad”. That is the funniest stuff ever. When Kramer is talking about Steve Geddison picking his golf ball up and cleaning it on the fairway, not on the green, …. bloody choked on the doritos laughing.
Then using real OJ in the Bronco footage to show Geddison getting away after killing the dry cleaning guy, (kramer driving) 🤣

[Marko69]

Guessing this might not translate over the pond, but oh man, i laughed me ass off.

Cousin had his son at the cinema last night. The kid finished his drink too quick and asked for cash to go buy another. He returns with the largest cup of Coca Cola ever. Huge.
As you know, Cola-Cola is also Coke.
In a scottish accent, the word “cock” can be said as “Coke”

The wee man returns, “DAD, LOOK at the size o ma Coke!”

Cousin was like, “SSSSHH, FFS, sit down!”

Few other dads laughing their asses off. Wish i’d been there.

[dpatnod]

[edindetroit]

So I'm on Amazon looking for a case for my new phone and this one says this

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Uh...is it a phone case or a sex toy?

[chemiclord]

What you do with the vibrate function is your business.