If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
If you are having difficulty logging in, please REFRESH the page and clear your browser cache and try again.
If you still can't get logged in, please try using Microsoft Edge, Google Chrome, Firefox, Opera, or Safari to login. Also be sure you are using the latest version of your browser. Internet Explorer has not been updated in over seven years and will no longer work with the Forum software. Thanks
COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the madcow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canadaalmost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the stateof Washington ? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls, but theyare unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around ourcountry. Maybe we should give each illegal alien a cow.
And yet, we can't find a 6' Muslim on dialysis in the mountians of Afghanastan.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could o longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if ou would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. "
"Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
Dopeler Effect: The Tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. - Author unknown
A woman goes in for her yearly female check-up, gets shown to the back and told to disrobe, put on the apron and sit on the edge of the table.
After 5 minutes of waiting, the nurse and a young, handsome, new OB/Gyn comes in, introduces himself and tells her he's seeing all of the Dr's regular appt's that day, as he's on an emergency call at the hospital. Then he asks her if she would like him to do the exam or re-schedule the appt. when her regular Dr. has another opening.
She thinks for a second and figures "what the hell", it'll only take a few minutes and he IS very good looking so she tells him to go ahead with the exam and assumes the position in the stirrups.
He does the exam and is very gentle and she doesn't feel a thing. As he's ungloving, he tells her that he saw no abnormalities and everything looks very healthy and gives her a clean bill of health until the next year.
He does tell her, however, that he's never seen vagina as beautiful or as large as hers! He tells her that he'd like to eat some ice cream out of her.
She is infuriated and slaps the living piss out of the Dr and storms out and goes home and tells her husband what the Dr said.
Her husband listens intently, stands there for 2 minutes after she's finished talking, then grabs a beer from the fridge and goes out to the back deck and sits down quietly, not saying a word.
She is shocked at her husband and marches out to the deck and demands that he go immediately down to the Dr's office and beat that Dr. to within an inch of his life.
Her husband looks at her and say matter of factly, "Honey, any man that can eat THAT much ice cream out of your pussy is nobody I'm wanting to fuck with"!
Two mice are in an English music hall watching a chorus line. "Lovely legs, haven't they?" says the first mouse. "Oh, I don't know," says the other. "I'm a titmouse myself."
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at
midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through
the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night is
this to be getting home? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm
not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual
role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of
whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by
the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally
realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door,
she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his
legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which
he whirled around and screamed,
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP???"
I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it on
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my dad keeps shouting at my mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)
I long for a Lions team that is consistently competitive.
Tweet
Comment