Joke Thread

[entropy]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[entropy]

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.

[entropy]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

[entropy]

Teacher: What exactly is MATH?
Boy: Mental Abuse To Humans

[entropy]

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

[Malto Marko]

Ba da bing!

Don't worry folks, we'll be here all week.

Order the liver. I recommend it.;-)

Heh, heh. gotta give ya credit for the standup, Ent.

[entropy]

Joke Thread

A Dad cooks up a deer and doesn't tell the kids what it is... But he does give them one clue.. "It's what your Mom calls me". Suddenly little Johnny spits out the meat and shouts "Don't eat it!! It's a fucking dick!"


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[Marko69]

Some real beauties there, Entropy.


A husband walks out from the bathroom in the morning bursting with pride with the size of the dump he has just had.
"Go and have a look at the size of that dump I have just done" he says to his wife.
"No way, I don't want to look at that."
"Please just go in and have a quick look, it's a good two pounder" he says.
After several minutes of pleading with his wife she agrees to have a look. She dashes in pinching her nose for the smell & runs back out saying "There's nothing there, you must have flushed it away."
"No, no,......, it's on the scales."

[LionsFanInJapan]

It's like that South Park episode!

[Sharkbait]

...

[LionsFanInJapan]

Hahaha, I think cartoon is 100% fact.

[entropy]

Heh @ the cartoon


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[Marko69]

Man returns from optician wearing glasses for the first time in his life.

Wife: Oh dear. I don't think i like you with glasses.
Man: Funny you should say that..., Now that I've got the glasses.........

[entropy]

I was in in the public restroom last week..
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: "umm... No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

[entropy]

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the
older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the
youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he
turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest
with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your
son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God
he didn't ask about the other three."