Joke Thread

[CGVT]

I saw that too, Mark.

I wonder if the guy hangs out n the Tigers forum. Using write for right is a common joke over there.

[FVD]

A man says to God "What's a million years to you?"

God replied "A second."

The man then said "God, what's a million dollars to you?"

God replied "A penny."

The man then said "God, can you give me a penny?"

God said "Yes I can... in a second."

[The Cat]

My name was at the top of the list with this email circulation.
Thing about it, no-one was laughing at the lions anylonger, just Detroiters.

The Afghan Quarterback



The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan .. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,


"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"

[Islair]

ouch.

[jaadam4]

Always a goodone!

[Islair]

Saw this online today....thought I would share.

[nhwbrooklyn]

Can I get one that says "china doll" in lions blue?

[Islair]

Im sure you can....better hurry before the NFL bans them

I have been looking for and OWEN 16 and they banned the sale of that one

[Malto Marko]

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint

When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few hits.After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side.Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink?

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,
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Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink?

[jaadam4]

lol

[Tony G]

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Tony G]

Subject: My Favorite Animal


Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said,
"Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have
been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am.
Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what
happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of
PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially
chicken, pork and beef.


Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him
what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do
it again.


The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite
live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why,
just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was
because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me
back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not
to do it again.


I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my
teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us
to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".


Guess where I am now...

[Islair]

LOL....thats good.

[Marko69]

Those puns for educated minds were an absolute scream. Reminded me of British comedian Tim Vine. Feckin hilarious, cheers for that.

[THE STEE]

A Second grade teacher informs her class that humans are the only animal in the world that stutters. Little Suzy raises her hand and says "my kitty stutters." Not wanting to let this go unchallenged the teacher asks Suzy how her kitty could stutter. Little Suzy explains,"we were outside playing and the neighbors pitbull jumped the fence and her kitty jumped up and went pfttt,pfttt and before it could say fuck the dog ate her.