Forumites and their Dogs

[-Deborah-]

Did you wrap him up real tight with lights or did you shove a go-jillion candle power flashlight up his ass?

He was prelit with lots of little lights.

[TK0001]

Since I'm in a storytelling mood, here's a Larry story.

A few springs ago, my wife came home from grocery shopping while I was whaling on Guitar Hero III. She left the door open to haul the groceries in, and I was in a zone and could not be of service at the time (Knights of Cydonia on Medium - holla). Larry saw his opportunity and bolted/waddled his fat ass out the door. My wife peered over the mountain of groceries she was carrying and asked me if Larry came back in. I told her I was not to be bothered due to my previously-mentioned whaling times. She dropped the heap of groceries on the table and went outside, yelling Larry's name. She came back in just as I was finishing the song (95%, sup?) and told me she couldn't find him. I made a dramatic display of reluctantly turning off the game and went outside. Didn't see him in the general vicinity.

So I hopped in the hoopdy/minivan and bounced around town, blaring my wife's new Elton John CD like the pimp that I am. I made a hard target search of every house, boarding house, and outhouse in the general area with no results. On my way back to my crib, I saw my neighbors kids waving me down. They had Larry. I got out and noticed Larry was acting quite harried. That's when I pieced together the puzzle. Larry obviously had caught a scent of a female in heat. I know this because of the way he was panting manically, foaming at the mouth, and shedding. Also because of the boner he had. There was a good couple inches of bright red throbbing schlong poking out of what I used to consider his lovehammer, but turns out is just a sleeve for his lovehammer. So I tried to make small talk to the dad while wrangling my uber horny dog out of their driveway and into my van. I ended up having to pick him up.

Sidebar: this family is way square. I call them the Flanders'. There are two boys (Rod and Todd) who were doing their best to contain Larry without actually wanting to touch him. They had to notice his engorged pecker. I'm assuming Larry wanted some and found the closest breathing thing in the vicinity of the scent. Either Rod or Todd were simply in the way or they were (God forbid) Larry's target.

As I picked Larry up, I had to do it so that his stubby legs were spread and his dick was pointing directly at Ned. I did my best to flip Larry around in my arms, which I eventually accomplished, but there's no way Ned, Rod, and Todd didn't see Larry's throbbing lovehammer. I'm sure we're on their prayer list now. Fucking Rod and Todd had to be traumatized.

Anyway, apparently ol' Lar was real close to climax, because when his little red fella grazed my coat, he went ahead and finished. Here's a tip: dog jizz smells really bad. By the time I got back to the house, Larry was practically sleeping and my coat was fucking douched.

So that's my Larry story for the day.

[-Deborah-]

Gross!

[TK0001]

Did I not mention that story is PG-13?

My fault.

[Islair]

LOL that is awesome! Glad it happened to you and not me.

[DanO]

LMAO TK. Your dog gizzed on you. First time I've ever heard of that.

GO LIONS "11" !

[FVD]

Holy shit TK. I've read that story twice now and still laugh as I'm reading through it.

[The Ken]

Since I'm in a storytelling mood, here's a Larry story.

A few springs ago, my wife came home from grocery shopping while I was whaling on Guitar Hero III. She left the door open to haul the groceries in, and I was in a zone and could not be of service at the time (Knights of Cydonia on Medium - holla). Larry saw his opportunity and bolted/waddled his fat ass out the door. My wife peered over the mountain of groceries she was carrying and asked me if Larry came back in. I told her I was not to be bothered due to my previously-mentioned whaling times. She dropped the heap of groceries on the table and went outside, yelling Larry's name. She came back in just as I was finishing the song (95%, sup?) and told me she couldn't find him. I made a dramatic display of reluctantly turning off the game and went outside. Didn't see him in the general vicinity.

So I hopped in the hoopdy/minivan and bounced around town, blaring my wife's new Elton John CD like the pimp that I am. I made a hard target search of every house, boarding house, and outhouse in the general area with no results. On my way back to my crib, I saw my neighbors kids waving me down. They had Larry. I got out and noticed Larry was acting quite harried. That's when I pieced together the puzzle. Larry obviously had caught a scent of a female in heat. I know this because of the way he was panting manically, foaming at the mouth, and shedding. Also because of the boner he had. There was a good couple inches of bright red throbbing schlong poking out of what I used to consider his lovehammer, but turns out is just a sleeve for his lovehammer. So I tried to make small talk to the dad while wrangling my uber horny dog out of their driveway and into my van. I ended up having to pick him up.

Sidebar: this family is way square. I call them the Flanders'. There are two boys (Rod and Todd) who were doing their best to contain Larry without actually wanting to touch him. They had to notice his engorged pecker. I'm assuming Larry wanted some and found the closest breathing thing in the vicinity of the scent. Either Rod or Todd were simply in the way or they were (God forbid) Larry's target.

As I picked Larry up, I had to do it so that his stubby legs were spread and his dick was pointing directly at Ned. I did my best to flip Larry around in my arms, which I eventually accomplished, but there's no way Ned, Rod, and Todd didn't see Larry's throbbing lovehammer. I'm sure we're on their prayer list now. Fucking Rod and Todd had to be traumatized.

Anyway, apparently ol' Lar was real close to climax, because when his little red fella grazed my coat, he went ahead and finished. Here's a tip: dog jizz smells really bad. By the time I got back to the house, Larry was practically sleeping and my coat was fucking douched.

So that's my Larry story for the day.

get him fixed that is for sure, no way the shelters need more larry's

[TK0001]

get him fixed that is for sure, no way the shelters need more larry's

Larry's balls, while epic, had to go. They reside in some vet's jar or a Vietnamese restaurant as we speak.

[Tony G]

That is an awesome story!

[Tony G]

My two pooches till last November when the Golden passed on. Now it's just me and the yellow lab

[-Deborah-]

Your Golden looked very sweet. How old was he when he passed?

I saw something very cute the other day. Was driving back to work at lunch, going down Outer Drive. Saw a couple briskly walking two dogs and pushing a stroller. One dog was a yellow lab, much like yours above. When my car was finally next to them, I saw that the lab had a tennis ball in its mouth. LOL! He brought his ball on his walk! That was precious.

[Tony G]

Thanks Deb. He was 14. I got him from GRROM (Golden Retriever rescue of Mich) when he was about 8

[Malto Marko]

Sorry, Tony.

You are applauded for rescuing a dog.

Your loss is understood .

[-Deborah-]

Thanks Deb. He was 14. I got him from GRROM (Golden Retriever rescue of Mich) when he was about 8

That's awesome that he was with you that long.