Diary of a Madman---a collection of KANSAS' rants

[Newbomb Turk]

hell, I still think Herm has some gas left in the tank........

[Sharkbait]

Compared to some of the present roster selection, I am sure he does.

[Kansas]

A lot of people were upset with the coaching staff for leaving Kitna in the game when it was hopeless. But I think Kitna actually wanted to play. I think he kept hoping for another memory-erasing concussion in those final minutes so he could forget this debacle ever happened. Hell, at halftime I tried to give myself a concussion. It didn't work because I didn't have a stud finder, so I just ended up with a noggin-sized hole in my wall. Lesson learned.

Note to self: Walls studs - 16 inches on center - use tape measure.

I'm just going to treat this game like those people in the Donner Party. I ain't talking about it. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'll talk to you guys about it, but that's only because we're all members of the same dysfunctional family. When friends ask me about the game I'm suddenly Alberto Gonzales testifying in front of the Senate. "I don't recall. I don't remember. I have no recollection of that. I don't know. I may have or may not have been present when that occurred."

I actually thought Philly was going to hang 49 on us by halftime, and that's when I started wondering if a regulation NFL scoreboard could accurately display 3 digits. I mean, when they scored their 15th touchdown would it read 105 or would it just say "TILT"? That would be another great ignominious record our beloved Lions could own, wouldn't it?

"The Philadelphia Eagles hold the record for the most points scored in a game when they defeated the Detroit Lions in 2007 by a score of 21 to TILT."

Only a Lions fan could seriously ponder things like that. But who can blame us? We haven't had a good team since the '50s, and I think I know why since we've been laying the blame there for several years now. That's right, people. Global warming. It's the only thing that could possibly explain it. I don't know what I can do personally to help this team reach the Super Bowl, but I'm thinkin' it has something to do with carbon credits.

I'm going to take a moment here and discuss our head coach. Why is Marinelli in charge of that little red flag? Seriously. No, really. Why? If there's a Mendoza Line of futility for challenging plays, it'll be named after him. When he has that red flag in his hand, somebody needs to treat him like a toddler chewing on a Chinese-imported toy train. You've GOT to take it away him from him. In the Minnesota game, it took so long for the challenge flag to hit the turf I thought J.T. O'Sullivan threw it for him. I'm not saying J.T. has a weak arm, but if he boiled it in water he could eat it with a meatball.

And then there's our defense. Sure, they looked OK against lousy teams with lousy quarterbacks, but against Philly they were exposed like Britney Speers stepping out of a limo. I thought we had put the whole Career Day Defense behind us, but for one day this CDD wanted the crown.

I couldn't be prouder.

What pre-game videos did Marinelli show our boys this time to prepare them for the Eagles? Declawed kittens chasing a laser pointer? It certainly wasn't African lions hunting in packs and chasing down prey. Maybe this Sunday on the Fox Pre-Game Show we can get a clip of Redding showing us his "meow" face. If the Patriots had a guy there video-taping our defensive signals, they'd get a couple of hours of Mike Barry with his palms pointing upwards and shrugging.

Seriously though, I'm really waiting for Commissoner Goodell to weigh in on this game, because it was fairly obvious to me that Kevin Curtis has leprosy...................and that should be illegal. Good gawd. I haven't seen a white guy beat a bunch of black guys that bad since Roots. At halftime, Rednecks everywhere were swiggin' moonshine, yee-hawin' and waving the Bars and Stars like it was the Caucasian equivalent of the O.J. acquittal.

Now don't get all over me because you think I'm dissin' white wide receivers. I'm not. In fact, I wore Steve Largent's number when I played high school football.........................in 1978!!! Fer crisakes, people! That was 30 years ago! In today's NFL, white guys are quarterbacks, offensive linemen, or running the down markers. That's it. Period. Case closed. Anything else is a genetic Appalachian State.

I really want to believe in this team. I want to put on the black pajamas, castrate myself, eat the poison pudding and hitch a ride on comet Playoffs. But it ain't happenin'. I'm not feeling it. Well...............until they beat Chicago.

[bimmer84]

Nice!

[-Deborah-]

When he has that red flag in his hand, somebody needs to treat him like a toddler chewing on a Chinese-imported toy train.

haha

[Malto Marko]

Priceless, Kansaw.

[Panoptes]

These posts always make my day.

Thx for the effort.

I would like to see that Catalanato(sp?) dude read that on a Fox pre-game someday.

[Sharkbait]

Just in the nick of time, Kansas. I was contemplating not watching the game this week, then again, I have already paid for it. Wonder if they would refund the balance?

[Coop]

you referring to Frank Caliendo -G- ?

[Panoptes]

jes

[Coop]

he was at the state theatre in kzo last weekend, but alas I was not able to see his show. He does amazing impersonations

[dsred]

Excellent Kansaw!

[calijawn]

Kansas, that is nothing but shameful irresponsible journalism...

[SeattleLionsFan]

Nice work Kansy...

[gv laker]

Well done!