Joke Thread

[edindetroit]

Bah humbug!

[dsred]

Marko- you got a million of em!

[Sharkbait]

Mental note to self: remember the hippo/zippo joke.

[Malto Marko]

For UKBB........, you'll LOVE this.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy........., the other is a little lighter.

FK IT! No more. Promise.

LOL!

The best of the year!

<<<<<trying to remember the last time I cracked a better one>>>>>

[Marko69]

Remember this one too Sharky because it's my favourite......, you'll love it!

What's the difference between a crane and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics........, the other has high bollocks!

Ok, it's a bit of a "ten Pinter" for many people, but I LMAO when sober at that one!

[Sharkbait]

Just for you my friend, probably an oldie but a goodie in you,re neck of the woods.

[Marko69]

Got to admit, I've heard that ^^^ so many times but it is always great to hear it again.



A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!!" she replied.
"He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
!"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side.
"Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes!" he answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked,
"Do you always wear a condom when you run?'"
"Nope....., only when it's raining."

[LionsFanInJapan]

[CGVT]

Bob was on a cross country trip with his family. They get a suite of rooms at a hotel the first night out and he and the wife walk in on the kids watching porn on the TV. Furious, Bob turns it off and goes to have a chat with the manager. The manager apologizes profusely, explains that he can disable it from the office and does so.

Night two Bob and the family stop in at another hotel. While registering, Bob leans in and says quietly, "I hope the porn is disabled". The manager glances at Bob's family and then back at Bob and says, "No, just the regular kind you sick bastard!"

[Marko69]

Superb ^^^

Must resist temptation to go look for disabled porn.

Few years ago, walked into my best mates house and the first sentence he said was, (for reference, the word "Deek" in Scottish means "look at"......., Big Marko says,
"Aw right, mate, how's things, come Deek the size o the cock on this midget!"

Didn't know what was funnier, the cock on the midget , or the fact that he was watching midget porn!

[Malto Marko]

LOL! to you both......

[edindetroit]

A coworker told me that when he was young he and friend were at a farm sitting on a corral fence. His buddy told him he was going to screw the cow that was there. My coworker said "and I watched him". I told him I didn't know what was stranger his buddy screwing a cow or him watching.

[Panoptes]

Ah, the old "i have a friend" story.

[CGVT]

A coworker told me that when he was young he and friend were at a farm sitting on a corral fence. His buddy told him he was going to screw the cow that was there. My coworker said "and I watched him". I told him I didn't know what was stranger his buddy screwing a cow or him watching.

Ah, the old "i have a friend" story.

Yep. Come clean UKBB, which one was you? ;)

[Marko69]

I didn't know what was stranger his buddy screwing a cow or him watching.

Or him repeating that story?

Shouldn't really say........, I'd be on the phone telling feckin every one about it.
"You'll never guess........, jimmy shagged his cow today."